Do we all have a pattern?

When it comes to dating, we tend to fall for only a certain category of people who we think are completely different but in reality they all turn out just the same. In the end we go on blaming the world, saying that all men are the same or all women are the same but in reality is it just us picking the same kind of people who are not good for us?

These men or women are the kind that makes us feel like everything is in sync in the beginning. The relationship is going really well and then all of a sudden either things go really bad or you fuck it up because you realise you were not ready. It happens to almost everybody especially the ones who keep getting single really easily. We tend to look out for safe bets, people we feel really comfortable with, people with similar looks, people with similar talking style as the other we’ve dated before. It is very subconscious but it does take place and you never realise it. We are always on the look out for something familiar and if you observe, you would also be having dates that quite feel like you’ve done this before somewhere.

As we date more we begin to see through the pattern. We get a nudge that something is going to get really screwed up but we ignore it for our momentary happiness, we let our instincts quiet down.

Now what is the solution? Is breaking the pattern a better way to know someone out there is right for us? OR are we forever going to be stuck in this cycle? I know for a fact that I have forever been stuck in this cycle. There are times you get opportunities to break your cycle but we cannot do it, we cannot let go of that checklist our heads has make up about the wrong kind of people who we think are right for us.

Are we ever going to break away from our patterns or it is going to haunt us forever or is it that all men and women are really the same and eventually you realise it because the truer versions of human behaviour get revealed over time which makes it feel like everybody is the same once that version is made visible to us.

Should we be waiting around the corner to meet our next ex’s doppelganger-mind or should we heal ourselves to know, who is good and who is bad for us? I hope you can find that out in the inner you because only knowing what keeps going wrong will help you make things right!

Until the next blog!

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Does maturity have to do anything with age?

In todays world the most common word we use or get judged by is the word “mature”. If someone is not mature, then they are not good enough for us or we don’t want to deal with the person all together. Maturity in the work place however shows up more forced as you need to maintain a certain stature or decorum but is that really us or is it what others want us to act like?

Society is now accepting two forms of maturity. One that loves being childish in a natural environment and one that expects a talented and intelligent individual to have the right things to say at the right time. Does maturity really come with age or does it just one day seem to strike you with lightening that you need to get serious.

And when you do have an ounce of maturity in you what is it really like? Is it us being more understanding that makes us mature but isn’t that being compassionate or considerate? Is it us being able to handle difficult situations with calmness and confidence but isn’t that called experience? Is it knowing what to do when others don’t but isn’t that learning from past failures?

I could be a 24 year old and not have any compassion, experience or consideration for my past failures and that would count me in as being immature? I think more than the age I think maturity as a subject on its own is all about how much you like the person you are talking to. How less the person discomforts you. The less pain the individual inflicts on you the more mature he has been counted in as.

Someone who increases our work, someone who argues and someone who doesn’t listen to our ideas and ideals and someone who just has no regard for what we think is the right thing to do is called immature but then isn’t that exactly what we are doing with the other person we are judging? Doesn’t that indicate we are totally immature inflicting our ideals on someone else?

I think you’re called mature, when you are just tired of arguing, you let people think they are right and that you decide you don’t need to voice your opinions out loud just for them to get approved by society. Maturity more than it being something that grows with age or time actually grows when our interests to argue about bullshit things that won’t matter to you in the short run just decreases. Don’t you think?

 

Until the  next blog

 

Why do we choose to date a stranger over a best friend when it comes to dating?

What is it with dating? Why do we do this to ourselves? We meet strangers who we find attractive because that is the only thing we can trust in ourselves to judge first and then we mingle with them, date them and end up getting into a really bad relationship or end up getting hurt. We allow ourselves to open up to strangers expecting them to understand who we are and what we want in life in just a few months or a years time while we reject our male friends or colleagues who know every tiny detail about our behaviors because we aren’t busy putting up an image in front of them to impress them and they are doing the exact same thing.

Is it that we don’t date our friends or colleagues because we think friendship is much more precious to ruin than giving it an actual chance and seeing where it goes? And then don’t we end up expecting the same thing that our friends have already given us, from strangers of a thing called acceptance?

Are we always going to be the misers and expect ourselves to take all the money we’ve saved to heaven or are we really going to learn to spend all the relationships that are not so intimate to actually be happy or finally date the right guy?

I recently met a friend who told me I was beautiful and that he would love to date me. We had been out as friends just once but we always took each other like great friends. No pretences, no lying, no manners, we were just ourselves because when it comes to making friends there is no burdon of pretending to impress someone unless you have a crush on your friend. We also work together so it puts me in a awkward position but it got me thinking. I could speak to him like there was no hiding, I would discuss so many things I feel and do and everything and he always has similar experiences he shares back.

When he asked me out later that night, it got me thinking. He’s a perfect guy for me, the right guy for me. He knows so much, he knows me well enough and most importantly he knows the kind of men I have dated and how wrong they have been for me. I was attracted to him but I ignored the thought and told him that I did not want to ruin what we had.

In the end do we become so damaged by the strangers we date that we know what is coming so we’d prefer to keep friends as only friends and strangers as lovers? Why let go of that special person who understands you over intimacy and a so called name giving process? In the end why do we never end up dating the people we know will take care of us and be there for us over the jerks that all have the same patterns of fucking around with our heads?

Are the good men all better off as being our caring supportive friends than lovers? Or is there more? Do we really expect a stranger will ever love us like the people we have been so close with over a long time?

Until the next blog!

 

 

I feel like every time I even try moving closer to my dreams I get burn’t

 

For me dreaming to study abroad has just been a dream forever. No matter how hard I try, how many times I apply, either the course turns out to be too expensive or not worth the degree.

I felt like giving up every time I got the offer letter from certain universities but couldn’t afford to go knowing that I had the talent in me but not the money to pay for tuition. This year I will be trying a different route and try for US uni’s because they have amazing scholarship programs and a better education system but limited seats. I feel like every time I even try moving closer to my dreams I get burn’t but with every step closer to the sun I always admire my determination.

I realised if everything was easy to get it didn’t feel worth it. I realised with every burn, I’m going to appreciate my dream coming true even more because I do believe in myself and my ability to write.

And so I want you to know – don’t give up on your dreams because it is difficult to dream. Don’t give up because you’ve faced barriers every time you wanted to purse your goals. Don’t especially give it up for someone who doesn’t have the slightest clue how much living out your dream would make you feel. Try again and again till falling down no longer hurts.

Till failure feels like it’s just a stepping stone to succeed. Be ready to bleed and lose everything you’ve got because that is what it feels like. That is what success tastes like. It is the storm before the calm, it is the pain before healing, it is the loss before the gain. Don’t ever forget you’re not alone in the struggle.

While everyone around you might be getting everything that they want, remember you still have more than what the rest of the world doesn’t have. Don’t forget that you are young and will always be till the day you die. You have a chance everyday to work towards your goals. To be inspired, to try to do something different and no, time is not running out for you. Remember what makes you happy again and start working towards it.

Remember what made you feel fresh and happy and like everything was possible when you were innocent and naive and worked towards your dreams just like that. Find the right path and you can do it! You can do it because if you can’t then no else can. You can do it because there is untapped potential in you. You are full of love, talent and admiration.

Just remember its the journey that will make your dreams even more worth it and when you finally reach your destination, you would just begin to taste what real achievement feels like.

Believe in yourself and never stop no matter what!

Until the next blog!