When we meet difficult people in our lives, we tend to get so egoistical, frustrated and very aggressive trying to protect our idea of what we think works or what we think is right that we forget solving the problem all together. While we waste away our time Googling how to deal with difficult people we often forget to ask the question; am I the difficult person the other person is dealing with?
If you are a difficult person dealing with another difficult person just like yourself it would frustrate you even more knowing that the other one who is also being very difficult will never admit that he or she is also acting out.
As much satisfaction it would give you to let the other person admit their mistake, you have to understand that, that could be a very RARE opportunity so we are better off not expecting an apology or a mature understanding. So what do you do then?
#1 Stop expecting others to solve a problem that frustrates you
We are smart, capable species, aren’t we? Why would we deal with a difficult human being until unless we have to work with them or have them as a friend or relative in a group. It’s circumstances that challenge us to go beyond our way to deal with them rather than just blaming them for everything and running away. The number one most effective way that I found that calmed me down immediately when I dealt with someone I didn’t like was to stop expecting them to change or come up with a solution. You know how well you work and so you should come up with a solution yourself that releases minimum amount of anger when dealing with that person. A better way to communicate with them is to communicate with them extremely less and with huge amounts of patience and listening skills.
#2 Stop worrying about your ego
If you decide to be the less insulting one, who calmly speaks out and lets the other one dart out words that affect your ego, stay calm. You have to remember that those are just words and that you know exactly who you are and just because they say things out of their assumptions it’s THEIR problem to deal with not yours. You have to always stay calm, be kind and don’t be offensive or defensive. It will pay off in the future.
#3 You solve your problems while let the world solve theirs
Deal with your problems and if people don’t take notice of it, it’s not your fault. Change takes time and know that you are willingly to understand your issues is you putting yourself first on the path of becoming a better person. While you might become more patient and less aggressive and the rest of the world stays aggressive, know that their time will come.
#4 While it’s easy to point out others mistakes, don’t do it, find another way
I’ve realised when you tell others, you are not doing your job well, you are not making things work, you are not creative, you are putting someone else down. How would you like it if someone else said such things to you? Hurtful right? You should be mindful of other peoples emotions and make sure they aren’t feeling bad because you wouldn’t like to hear bad things about you. This makes you considerate of other peoples feelings, this makes you a good person.
#5 Don’t be too hard on yourself
While you are trying to find that peace of mind for yourself, at times if you tend to loose it, apologies and stay calm. Keep letting yourself know, that you are working on yourself everyday is something to be proud of and that there are days where you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself.
Staying calm will let you win an argument within seconds. It’s the best solution I have experienced so far.
Until the next blog!