Keeping people out of your heart?

Over years and years of mishaps and meeting the wrong kind of people, you are so exhausted of the continuous disappointment that you’d rather not open up and be disappointed again than meet ‘the one’ after the long search. The dating world in your 20’s is a scary place! While half the people you know already have boyfriends or are getting married, all you do is eat and eat and eat because that’s next best thing that’s left in life.

Why are men or women so complicated? What’s made them shut down like this? Is it their families? Friends? Careers? They are no longer into finding love or believing that – if I put myself out there, I know something good will come out of it!

There is just negativity, pickiness and shortsighted thinking that is not only shutting ourselves down but also making other people loose hope because of our scarred past.

How long will this go on? Is it till the beauty or the ego that fades and we finally do get so exhausted of shutting ourselves down constantly that we finally, open up once again?

I understand that everybody wants to protect their ego’s and hearts and no one wants to be hurt again but is it our choices that we should be responsible about or are there no more men or women worthy of letting ourselves go a little bit?

Why are people constantly just proving that love has stopped existing and that the only things we really trust are things that cannot have an opinion such as animals and food?

I say, maybe, once your ready, take a chance. Always take a chance because taking a chance and knowing that you have the power to hope is all human kind needs to survive! Even if your hopes are shattered again, take pride in the fact that you believed once again because you’re the one that needs to keep the love alive so others can have the courage to do the same!

Until the next blog.

The Singularity of being Single

In a world that has designed us to work in pairs is there a singularity of being single? Cost for 2, lesser price for 2, happy hours for 2, entry for 2 and the list goes on. What is it really like to be just 1?

Some might say the freedom of it, the way everything becomes all about you, no second responsibility, no mechanical thinking of making the other person happy and no being asked so where’s your boyfriend/girlfriend.

On the other hand those who have been single for the longest time know what it’s like to show up at parties alone, come home to no one, message no one, having to deal with flirting with a fuck-boy when you thought he was actually interested in you and the list goes on.

Is it really safe to say it’s fun being single or is there more? The grass does seem greener on the other side but it is human tendency to want love, comfort and attention. We have grown to realize either through romantic movies or books or happy endings that we think some of our friends have is what we need to make us happy, then we are surely pretty much fucked with those aspirations.

I don’t know how true that goes but I do know one thing, we are enough being 1 and making ourselves happy. If we’ve come into this world alone we can surely survive it alone. There are more important things to worry about such as who are we? Can we change a life? Do we make a difference in the world? The quality of life we live can make us happy.

While chasing love is part of life, it definitely isn’t everything. When a single person realizes that they aren’t a single person, they are just A PERSON and they are just doing what a person is supposed to do with their lives, the sooner they stop searching for ideas to become what we are driven to believe to become.

2 – is just a number and so is 1. We are humans, we need to form connections not to be loved but to grow and understand the meaning of life. Finding a partner along the way could just be a co-incidence but rest assured, you have to continue on your journey of making a mark in this world and understanding why your singularity matters the most.

Stay strong and talk deep. You’ve got this handled a long time ago.

Until the next blog!

 

What if you are your ‘The One’?

Finding the perfect guy or girl is always a challenge. He or she you might have met already or yet to meet but it has never been easy. I mean I have seen situations where both the people really like each other and yet don’t date because maybe they want different things and that is such bullshit! Although I have always never been that lucky but I do have my share of relationships that do end badly.

It was only when I had a recent thought about how I did not really need a man in my life to make me happy. I just needed me time I would be equally happy. I think the reason we all love the idea of relationships could be that we like someone appreciating us and telling us how amazing we are. We all want meaning in our lives and it is only by constant approval and being part of someone else’s life that makes us happy.

When I thought about love to be something we want because that is a place someone finally notices us then I feel even more disappointed. I don’t really need someone appreciating me, my boss can do that when I do a good job, my friends can be proud of me, my family can be my support. Love really has nothing to do with ‘the one’.

What if we are our own ‘the one’ and all the guys and girls out there are just lessons to remind us that after all, only we know when we fuck up and when we don’t.

Getting into a new relationship is all magic and fun but then it is all down hill from there. It’s like taking care of another human being. While yes, some do like the idea of being in relationship because sometimes they’ve got a great catch but meanwhile all the single people are turning desperate and crazy. Why?

If there isn’t someone in your life that you want or need then its not really a bad thing. If you’ve got so much love you but no one to give it to, give it to those who need it, kids, family, friends, workplace. That love doesn’t desperately need to be boxed up and kept in a dark little place for some random person to go looking for it to play around then have their fun and leave.

Everyone is turning selfish then you should too because remember you are the one for yourself and thats all that matter really. In the end we do everything for ourselves. Sure we do things for those who matter to us but only because we know they are important rare people we don’t want to miss out on. Phoebe from friends was actually right, there is no self-less act in this world and that is okay! We just need to please ourselves in the end but not recklessly by hurting others. You know what  I mean.

Maybe you shouldn’t be feeling depressed or lonely, maybe you should be glad you’ve got you and you’re a catch to be with and thats all that there is to living a happy life!

Until the next blog!

Breaking up and it’s rules

Breaking up is such a difficult time for those who were in love. It’s always that one person who never wanted to let go but has to or pretend like they feel the same way when they have to. Why does it have to be so difficult?

The worse thing is not only the break up but what comes after, the shower of loneliness, the urges we have to control to talk to the one person we really want to connect to once again, the badgering of ourselves and our minds telling it that everything is okay. The moving on process is so long and hard. You miss the comfort and the fact that the sex was good. Or that it took so long to find the right person to only realise they were equally fucked up as you. Even though there was a tiny part of you knowing something was terribly wrong, we ignore it and we take a leap ahead, open up our hearts and then the truth catches up.

Why do we have to resist messaging them or talking to them when clearly that is not what we want to do? Why do we constraint ourselves with the pain of knowing that, that person is happy somewhere living their lives. We can’t wait to ask them or to know if they’ve moved on or do they miss us. We let our curiosities peak just to watch ourselves go back to the beginning of the grieving process.

I hate how once upon a time they were your everything and now they are your nothing. They only look at the bad, they only look at how things didn’t work out, they only remember what broke us but we only think about the good times and how everything could have or should have worked out.

We know we are responsible for the consequences that took place and yet we want to deny our part and let the person breaking up with us be the villain. The one who damaged us, the one who knows all our secrets and is scot free telling the next one about our most dearest fears that lead to them leaving us.

Breaking up is so inhumane, so robotic – filled with rules. You can’t let your pride down, you won’t let them hurt you again, you wouldn’t make that call, you cannot wait for them to beg you to have you back just so you could punch them in their gut and say – in your dreams pal.

You don’t ever know whats happening on the other side and you don’t even dare to ask yourself why things didn’t work. Their memories come and go like the wind and you breath it in and then it go.

You don’t want to know if they are with someone else or that you mean’t nothing. You don’t want to be put down and you don’t want to face the truth that whatever happened, happened for good.

How can something that was so beautiful be bad? How can your best memories turn into lessons. The more the heart breaks the more aware you become. The more you stop yourself, the more you shut down, the more you keep people away.

The entire process of waiting to forget is so heartless. In the end we all are made up of dust but while the soul adds to life, you live with the guilt of not knowing the real reason of why things shattered.

Perfection is not mean’t exist. People are looking for the one that won’t hurt them, that won’t break them but that is what was mean’t to happen, you were mean’t to be broken, you were mean’t to be alone so you learn the difference.

Life is only lonely in the thought, it’s the good times that let you grieve the bad times. It is the good life that lets you realise what the bad life was.

That restaurant, those streets, those things you both liked, those things you both did. Consumed in each other at the beginning and sick of one another in the end. How do you predict these things? How do you keep yourself safe?

Why should you forget? Why should you remember? Why not let it be, why not let evil stay evil while you rinse yourself of the pure?

Will things ever be the same again? No but isn’t that the point of life itself? It cannot be repeated.

Until the next blog

Do we all have a pattern?

When it comes to dating, we tend to fall for only a certain category of people who we think are completely different but in reality they all turn out just the same. In the end we go on blaming the world, saying that all men are the same or all women are the same but in reality is it just us picking the same kind of people who are not good for us?

These men or women are the kind that makes us feel like everything is in sync in the beginning. The relationship is going really well and then all of a sudden either things go really bad or you fuck it up because you realise you were not ready. It happens to almost everybody especially the ones who keep getting single really easily. We tend to look out for safe bets, people we feel really comfortable with, people with similar looks, people with similar talking style as the other we’ve dated before. It is very subconscious but it does take place and you never realise it. We are always on the look out for something familiar and if you observe, you would also be having dates that quite feel like you’ve done this before somewhere.

As we date more we begin to see through the pattern. We get a nudge that something is going to get really screwed up but we ignore it for our momentary happiness, we let our instincts quiet down.

Now what is the solution? Is breaking the pattern a better way to know someone out there is right for us? OR are we forever going to be stuck in this cycle? I know for a fact that I have forever been stuck in this cycle. There are times you get opportunities to break your cycle but we cannot do it, we cannot let go of that checklist our heads has make up about the wrong kind of people who we think are right for us.

Are we ever going to break away from our patterns or it is going to haunt us forever or is it that all men and women are really the same and eventually you realise it because the truer versions of human behaviour get revealed over time which makes it feel like everybody is the same once that version is made visible to us.

Should we be waiting around the corner to meet our next ex’s doppelganger-mind or should we heal ourselves to know, who is good and who is bad for us? I hope you can find that out in the inner you because only knowing what keeps going wrong will help you make things right!

Until the next blog!

Why do we choose to date a stranger over a best friend when it comes to dating?

What is it with dating? Why do we do this to ourselves? We meet strangers who we find attractive because that is the only thing we can trust in ourselves to judge first and then we mingle with them, date them and end up getting into a really bad relationship or end up getting hurt. We allow ourselves to open up to strangers expecting them to understand who we are and what we want in life in just a few months or a years time while we reject our male friends or colleagues who know every tiny detail about our behaviors because we aren’t busy putting up an image in front of them to impress them and they are doing the exact same thing.

Is it that we don’t date our friends or colleagues because we think friendship is much more precious to ruin than giving it an actual chance and seeing where it goes? And then don’t we end up expecting the same thing that our friends have already given us, from strangers of a thing called acceptance?

Are we always going to be the misers and expect ourselves to take all the money we’ve saved to heaven or are we really going to learn to spend all the relationships that are not so intimate to actually be happy or finally date the right guy?

I recently met a friend who told me I was beautiful and that he would love to date me. We had been out as friends just once but we always took each other like great friends. No pretences, no lying, no manners, we were just ourselves because when it comes to making friends there is no burdon of pretending to impress someone unless you have a crush on your friend. We also work together so it puts me in a awkward position but it got me thinking. I could speak to him like there was no hiding, I would discuss so many things I feel and do and everything and he always has similar experiences he shares back.

When he asked me out later that night, it got me thinking. He’s a perfect guy for me, the right guy for me. He knows so much, he knows me well enough and most importantly he knows the kind of men I have dated and how wrong they have been for me. I was attracted to him but I ignored the thought and told him that I did not want to ruin what we had.

In the end do we become so damaged by the strangers we date that we know what is coming so we’d prefer to keep friends as only friends and strangers as lovers? Why let go of that special person who understands you over intimacy and a so called name giving process? In the end why do we never end up dating the people we know will take care of us and be there for us over the jerks that all have the same patterns of fucking around with our heads?

Are the good men all better off as being our caring supportive friends than lovers? Or is there more? Do we really expect a stranger will ever love us like the people we have been so close with over a long time?

Until the next blog!

 

 

You can’t hurt me anymore…because I’ve begun not to care!

I can’t do this anymore. I cannot let myself feel or think the way I used to. I cannot let people just walk all over me and make me feel things. I cannot give you the love I deserved to give myself any longer. I have done enough, felt enough and let go of enough things in my life. It’s time to think of other things than you. It’s time to let myself feel happy about the sun and the wind and the people around me.

Honestly I wanted to shut every emotion of me down. I wanted to tell myself to never love again and to never trust again because you were the last piece of hope I thought I had and then you broke me down. But doing this would only hurt me more. I would end up shutting off my joy and happiness along with the other negative emotions I had to let go of. I would pull myself into darkness again just to forget you forever.

I don’t want you to win this time. I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of shutting me down. I will not cry. I will not feel sad and I will be happy even though I don’t exactly feel like it all the time.

You are an example of everything that has let me go. You are one of the reasons why I can’t breathe whenever I think of everything sad that has happen to me. You were too good to be true and maybe it might even be my fault to thinking you were someone who would stay for a change.

You have your issues to deal with and I may not fit that bunch of solutions you think you have gotten right but trust me, I will be an example to you of what a beautiful hurricane looks like. My love was pure, was true and maybe not thought through but pureness surfaces all bitterness and you’ll realise that over time.

I fell for you harder than you did and not because you looked great or were great, it was because you made me feel great, you made me feel happy. But what I did not realise is that all this while, you replaced my abilities or my own potential to make myself happy due to which I began to depend on you. I lost my way but I’ve found it now.

I loved every bit you, bad and good but you only breed on the bad of me and let me go. So yes, you can’t hurt me anymore because I didn’t aim to be perfect for you, I aimed to just make you happy and love you with all my heart. If you couldn’t appreciate that, you would never see true love from anyone in your life even if it hit you with a bat!

So yes, you can’t hurt me anymore but I know what true love looks like. I found it in me. I don’t feel like I’ve lost anyone anymore, I feel like I found myself again. You will always be an example, an example to learn from, a lesson to remember and if you did care, you wouldn’t have let me go because you knew, that’s all I had asked from you right from the beginning and you couldn’t even stick to that for me once.