When Should You Sober Your Ego Down?

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Every now and then I feel inadequate to be part of something as big as what I’m already part of at my workplace. Many times before, people have come to admire the work I do and how I do it. They have appreciated me every now and then. They have felt proud to make me part of their team and they always have open ears to listen to my comments. And while all of this really pleases my ego there are times I don’t reach the bar they have already set for me, simply because I don’t understand how to keep up being okay with not knowing how to do everything.

And it’s your ego, telling you to always be Mr Right, to constantly push your limits so that you never have to feel inadequate again till you’ve pushed so far you hurt your mental health to protect your ego.

Hurting your ego leads to two main things. You either get extremely hot headed and end up hurting others around you by bringing people down or you end up hurting your self esteem and self confidence and feeling extremely depressed about it. 

Both are equally harmful. While the first reaction is harder to recover from, the second reaction could help you save up on the damages by getting back on your feet and putting a band-aid on your ego, giving it enough time to heal.

In every stage of life if you do not tell yourself that you are not yet done learning, your going to end up hurting your ego and trust me I’ve experienced it first hand. And this is when you are supposed to sober your ego down before things get worse!

But how do you do it?

Here are some tricks I learn’t to really control my ego when thing’s don’t seem to be going great for me!

#1 Take a step back

Every time you feel threatened, you should take a step back and try to understand where is that feeling emerging from. Has a recent event triggered it or has to been happening since a long time? Then think about the kind of reaction you want to have about it. Most egotistic people just jump to conclusion and have confrontations but I felt, talking about why I feel a certain way with friends or sometimes even myself can help you reach a better solution.

#2 Listen to listen and not to reply

Often times to prove ourselves right we just talk and talk and talk without really listening to what the other person is saying. Even past confrontations could lead to people wanting to listen to you less because you do not respect them enough to listen to them in the first place. Listening also gives you time to frame your next answer in a better more reasonable manner but always try to understand what the other person is saying first.

#3 It’s okay to be wrong

If your wrong, just be wrong, don’t stress yourself out trying to always be right. If you’re always going to be right, you would have nothing left to learn in your life.

#4 Be good at what you do instead of worrying about how to be the best at everything

I realised the biggest problems I’ve had regarding my ego is trying to go out of my field of expertise and compete with people who have been in that same very field for years. Instead of becoming the best at what I do and learning everything I can about my work, I give time to learn something entirely new which affects my line of work as well as makes me look stupid trying to do something I naturally don’t like to. Which obviously leads to arguments and tension at the workplace. Just stick to things that interest you and be good at that!

#5 Be your biggest fan but also let people help you

Appreciate yourself enough so you don’t burn out but also don’t shut yourself out to other people’s help. Yes, I know sometimes you don’t need it but it’s okay if someone wants to help you, you could let them help you get up or get better at what you do once in a while!

So there it is, just some things I keep telling myself and trying to calm my ego down. Do it when you feel scared and threatened and feel like it’s the end of the world, you will feel much better practicing some of the tips given above!

Until the next blog!

 

 

 

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When I lost my dream job, I thought I would never be happy again!

I knew I was going to get a job there, after all I had worked so damn hard but it turned out, all the hard work was never enough to be put all in once place. You’ve got to keep working at it till you know you can’t do anymore but it has to be strategically thought through.

Everybody has that one dream job, that place they either want to work for or have worked as an intern but never got the job. EVERYBODY and I mean it, everybody has been through phases like these and for me it was a travel magazine that I loved.

The minute I knew I loved to write that very second I had my dreams set to write about travel. To my surprise I even got an internship in a place I never believed I would get in at such a young age and of course despite giving it my all, I failed.

In the beginning the shock was so much that I cried, I cried for a week, straight. I had given up on everything in my life. I knew there would be nothing better waiting for me and I would never ever get the complete satisfaction of working somewhere else the way I felt when I worked at my dream company and I still feel the same way.

Nothing can replace the loss of your dream job especially when you have tasted its sweetness and have come out needing more but I was wrong about my road ending there. Turns out I was smarter than just proof reading work and writing two paragraphed articles. Turns out I was better at something I never imagined I was talented in.

That’s the weird thing about our minds. We tend to make our present everything. We predict our doomsday when it actually doesn’t really exist. When we want something so bad, that the only option you leave for yourself is to obsess over something repeatedly, instead of giving it time and space to blossom into something you don’t need anymore.

When we are down, deep – deep into the floor, we never think that the only way we’ve got left is to go up. We never consider the possibility that we live in a big world with bigger opportunities that might just make your life better!

I found my second dream company, with another thing that I was passionate about that made me realize that I had more potential doing two things that I was really good at rather than one. It made me a stronger person, where I constantly push myself to be better than the day before every single day.

In the end it’s not about only enjoying what you do, it’s about how much you are learning and mastering skills that add to your profile and that add to your personality as a person.

You cannot be hell bound on things out of your control nor can you punish yourself for not being good enough. You have to believe in yourself much more than others would and know that opportunities are everywhere or that in today’s world you can even create one on your own. You have to believe in things like destiny and faith because it’s shorter route to bring in some patience within you!

Every moment counts only if you make it count. So don’t think it’s the end of the world because tomorrow might just surprise you in ways that you might just recognize something’s in you didn’t even know existed.

Just keep believing that everything really does happen for a reason and it happens for good!

Until the next blog!

The past is nothing to fear; it’s just a mirror to look back on

I have always been afraid of my past because I have liked nothing about it, however I like my present. I like the way I have grown and come so far. I like the way I think and how mature I’ve gotten. It feels really good and it makes me really happy but whenever I meet anyone new in order to understand who I am today I have to go back to my past and dig up the dead.

All those who have had a really rocky past would feel the same way I feel about resurrecting the buried and what makes it worse is repeating the mistakes you’ve made before.

BUT, the past is nothing to fear; it’s just a mirror to look back on.

It’s about those lessons, those failures and the pain you went through to get where you are today. While happiness comes to everybody someday in their lives, it’s because they have understood what sadness means to them. For some it takes longer to reach the point of feeling good while for others it’s a shorter route but whatever it is you should be proud of what you are today!

You were younger, sillier and immature and now you are older, smarter and so much more mature than before. If your past has been something that you have hated and would never want to repeat you should also be able to track the mistakes you have committed before and stop them from arising again because the only way we recollect our past without our conscious permission is if we are reliving the pain we’ve gotten out of not so long ago.

Don’t do the things that have hurt you before, strengthen your mind, stop the triggers and let yourself know that, that is NOT YOU, that is just somebody YOU WERE. Let yourself get to know the new you, remind yourself about how you manage your pain and issues in the present. Habits are very hard to kill but they die when you replace them with newer ones!

So don’t be afraid when you fall back to an older version of yourself, just be cautious and stay afloat in your newer version of yourself, after all you are doing it for your happiness and for you!

Don’t hurt yourself again and again if you know what you’re doing wrong no matter how tempting it might feel to fix things when they break. You might end up spoiling things even more unknowingly. Breathe and take a new approach and put your needs first and you will be okay! Take an example of your past and believe like you’re looking into a mirror and pick out the flaws to make yourself perfect and you won’t be afraid of looking into the mirror ever again.

Until the next blog!

The authors birthday 

You’ll be surprised by the amount of people who take some effort even if its minimal to wish you on your birthday than none. You’ll be surprised to see you are loved and you were always lovable but with the wrong people.

You will wonder how some people can really take care of you and make sure you stay happy no matter what. You will be shocked to see others go out of their way just because you mean something to them just the way you go out of your way for them hoping someday someone will do that for you!

Learn to let in the world, learn to let the world love you because they do, in their own way. You can’t see it but they think you are fabulous and precious and they expect you to think the same way about yourself when times get hard and impossible and there is no one to show how wonderful you really are.

You are beautiful and you are lovable and you are perfect to someone out there because you are you and thats what makes you special! 

Take pride and stay strong because I promise you, you will find the right people who believe in you the right way some way or the other because you make them feel loved and special! 

Until the next blog!

Dedicated to all my dear friends! 

Concentrate on solving your problems and not others while dealing with difficult people!

When we meet difficult people in our lives, we tend to get so egoistical, frustrated and very aggressive trying to protect our idea of what we think works or what we think is right that we forget solving the problem all together. While we waste away our time Googling how to deal with difficult people we often forget to ask the question; am I the difficult person the other person is dealing with?

If you are a difficult person dealing with another difficult person just like yourself it would frustrate you even more knowing that the other one who is also being very difficult will never admit that he or she is also acting out.

As much satisfaction it would give you to let the other person admit their mistake, you have to understand that, that could be a very RARE opportunity so we are better off not expecting an apology or a mature understanding. So what do you do then?

#1 Stop expecting others to solve a problem that frustrates you

We are smart, capable species, aren’t we? Why would we deal with a difficult human being until unless we have to work with them or have them as a friend or relative in a group. It’s circumstances that challenge us to go beyond our way to deal with them rather than just blaming them for everything and running away. The number one most effective way that I found that calmed me down immediately when I dealt with someone I didn’t like was to stop expecting them to change or come up with a solution. You know how well you work and so you should come up with a solution yourself that releases minimum amount of anger when dealing with that person. A better way to communicate with them is to communicate with them extremely less and with huge amounts of patience and listening skills.

#2 Stop worrying about your ego

If you decide to be the less insulting one, who calmly speaks out and lets the other one dart out words that affect your ego, stay calm. You have to remember that those are just words and that you know exactly who you are and just because they say things out of their assumptions it’s THEIR problem to deal with not yours. You have to always stay calm, be kind and don’t be offensive or defensive. It will pay off in the future.

#3 You solve your problems while let the world solve theirs

Deal with your problems and if people don’t take notice of it, it’s not your fault. Change takes time and know that you are willingly to understand your issues is you putting yourself first on the path of becoming a better person. While you might become more patient and less aggressive and the rest of the world stays aggressive, know that their time will come.

#4 While it’s easy to point out others mistakes, don’t do it, find another way

I’ve realised when you tell others, you are not doing your job well, you are not making things work, you are not creative, you are putting someone else down. How would you like it if someone else said such things to you? Hurtful right? You should be mindful of other peoples emotions and make sure they aren’t feeling bad because you wouldn’t like to hear bad things about you. This makes you considerate of other peoples feelings, this makes you a good person.

#5 Don’t be too hard on yourself

While you are trying to find that peace of mind for yourself, at times if you tend to loose it, apologies and stay calm. Keep letting yourself know, that you are working on yourself everyday is something to be proud of and that there are days where you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself.

Staying calm will let you win an argument within seconds. It’s the best solution I have experienced so far.

Until the next blog!

Keeping people out of your heart?

Over years and years of mishaps and meeting the wrong kind of people, you are so exhausted of the continuous disappointment that you’d rather not open up and be disappointed again than meet ‘the one’ after the long search. The dating world in your 20’s is a scary place! While half the people you know already have boyfriends or are getting married, all you do is eat and eat and eat because that’s next best thing that’s left in life.

Why are men or women so complicated? What’s made them shut down like this? Is it their families? Friends? Careers? They are no longer into finding love or believing that – if I put myself out there, I know something good will come out of it!

There is just negativity, pickiness and shortsighted thinking that is not only shutting ourselves down but also making other people loose hope because of our scarred past.

How long will this go on? Is it till the beauty or the ego that fades and we finally do get so exhausted of shutting ourselves down constantly that we finally, open up once again?

I understand that everybody wants to protect their ego’s and hearts and no one wants to be hurt again but is it our choices that we should be responsible about or are there no more men or women worthy of letting ourselves go a little bit?

Why are people constantly just proving that love has stopped existing and that the only things we really trust are things that cannot have an opinion such as animals and food?

I say, maybe, once your ready, take a chance. Always take a chance because taking a chance and knowing that you have the power to hope is all human kind needs to survive! Even if your hopes are shattered again, take pride in the fact that you believed once again because you’re the one that needs to keep the love alive so others can have the courage to do the same!

Until the next blog.

Do Writers Have To Be Great At Grammar?

Well, somebody put up a really debatable post on my Facebook wall which is the image I have used below.

This topic went definitely out of hand within seconds. I of course participated saying that writers are storytellers and the editors can take care of the rest (aka the grammar). It made the person who posted the image even angrier.

The thing is, I feel, while there so many people in the world who can master particular skills in being good at something, nothing can beat natural talent or passion to do something with the thing they love to do. While we have heard so many famous actors who have struggled with dyslexia and still become well-known, we know too well many who are still being brought down to their limitations.

For writers especially who are not into writing as a form of editing or for a job but do it purely to send a message out, grammar is not of utmost importance. They do need to use the language they chose to write in where they have a good command but perfection can be left to the editor. Hard work and years of writing will bring them to a place they need to be but I don’t think a person needs a right or wrong method to complete a book or a drawing but just the right tools and experience and of course external help in areas they lack.

I feel like writing is a skill, it is more about how well we can say what we want to say without having to use exceptional language skills or brilliant grammar!  Simple words that hold the right meaning will have the right amount of effect it needs to have on people.

Sometimes superior work can loose its readers. I can point our several authors, books and painters who are well-known and have got a lot of success but their work has mean’t nothing nor has added anything to society or people. They have not used impeccable english nor have some been original and yet they earn in millions and have a huge reader base thus proving that the skill is more important than the sharpening of the tool to engrave tales in peoples minds.

But that does not mean one does not try to make themselves better at what they do, everyday is a lesson and chance for improvement and the more they learn the better they will become.

Until the next blog