Problems

Why does everything bad have to happen to me? Why do things go wrong? Why do I have to be alone. Why do I have to suffer. Why does nobody like me? Why do I fall sick? Why can’t I save any money? Why does it feel like all the worlds burdens are on my shoulders and no one else’s?

I don’t really understand why do I have all these so called, “why” questions but I do know that it is not because I like to question something unfortunate happening to me but because I’m finding it hard to believe it is my truth.

I’ve never ask, why am I in love? Why do I have so much money? Why do I have friends? Why is it my birthday today? Why do people call me beautiful? Why do I like to party?

Nope, those questions seem more positive and thoughtful than the negative “why’s” we face all our lives.

When we face negative things, we want to chose another truth. We wish we could alter something as if we had options but it never happens. But then you would say that altering something would change the face of reality and how will we ever learn to be in pain if we experience none and all those sayings…

But isn’t there any grace or redemption in painful moments like these? Why is it so hard to go through them? And then it struck me; the moments facing up to the situation is much worse than when we actually go through it, and by the time we’re going through it, it’s over. Just like that and the storm seems to have cleared.

I feel like the problems we have in our lives don’t help us tackle the one’s coming next because each problem is different and has different emotional associations but it does remind us that the eye of the storm happens to take place before the real shit storm even begins. The centre of all problems are the thought of having to go through one. The journey is the worst but the destination of a problems seems like the simplest part….almost close to a solution.

It funny how things work, things are more painful in the mind than the reality of the situation. Maybe we ought to give ourselves a breather before the real problem arrives. This way the problem can have a justified feeling of anxiety rather than depriving it of nothingness by the time it arrives.

Give it a thought.

Until the next blog!

 

Learning To Be Patient – Nothing needs to be done RIGHT AWAY

I think this article is one that extremely impatient people with no tricks up their sleeves would really want to read. And why do I think that? It’s because I would probably be one of them.

The biggest truths about people pretending to be patient is that they know they are going to tip over at any moment. You cannot fake it. You’re either patient or you’re not.

So how do you develop patience?

#1 It cannot be developed, it has to be rewarding

I always struggled with this whole idea of ‘developing’ patience. You don’t develop patience, you instead reward yourself every time you are patient. Every time you get impatient the results are never pleasing. How about challenging yourself to be being patient about one thing and if the time is worth the wait, it starts to get addictive. You’ll keep growing patient all the time, you’ll love the reward and results so much, you’ll wait every time something that needs waiting comes your way!

#2 Patience needs opportunities

You need a worthwhile opportunity to practice patience. You want to buy a new phone? – How old is your old one? Can it wait longer? If yes, then why not wait longer? You can’t seem to get the attention of your boss lately , should you just complain about it to her/him or should you just wait to prove your worth to gain their attention instead? You need a good opportunity to be patient otherwise you’ll be wasting your time on needless ones.

#3 The time and wait does not have to be the same as others

Everybody has different patience levels, you don’t have to follow someone else’s path to learning how to get patient. Sometimes it’s not in your personality to be as patient as other people. Get to a goal you are comfortable with and stick to that timeline and be proud of it.

#4 Don’t stress more by learning to be patient

One of the worst things to ever happen to me – is the feelings of being pressurised to be more patient like others. Nobody wants to live according to someone else’s standards. In trying to please others, you end up hurting yourself even more. Pushing harder all the time, at every aspect in your life will only lead you to burst out at any moment, anywhere. It’s okay to loose patience sometimes, you just have to try to control in situations you feel like you need to.

#5 Believe patience is a second chance

The most fulfilling thought I get when I’m trying to grow patience is that, I have the luxury of time, nothing needs to be done RIGHT AWAY. A thought can be thought again, a response can be framed in a better way, feelings can be understood in a better manner and you can save a lot of time and money by worrying less because you don’t need to get things done immediately. Think about how patience can be a second chance to anything in your life and you’ll definitely feel more positive trying to be patient!

Until the next blog!

Why is it important to keep goals in life?

I’ve been thinking about how the idea of ‘goals’ really work. Does it help you get somewhere in life you originally had no clue you could get to? Does it guide you during times you feel you’ve got nothing to live for? Is it really important to have one?

Upon asking a friend – what does having a goal in life really mean to them, I got this reply – without a goal, you don’t really have a purpose.

For some of us a goal could be short term or it could be a very very long-term plan, which somehow justifies the life we’ve been living all along. As long as it satisfies you, your goal is something you should look forward to achieving every single day of your life.

Meaningless goals obviously are not meant to help you get anywhere. It is very important to want something so desperately, that you would be ready to do anything for it.

But how these so called ‘goals’ really help us?

 Having a goal could help you gain a reason to wake up in the morning. To really try something you’ve never done before since your wishes haven’t been completed yet. A goal helps you stick to one solution and if it doesn’t 100% satisfy you, you know it’s time to move on.

The really important part of keeping a goal is to make sure you achieve it.

A meaningless goal, as mentioned above will have no meaning in your life because of which you might just disagree that having goals make you happy.

Similarly, having a serious goal but never coming around to achieving it because you don’t have enough time or you’re not sure if your ready for it, leads to the same dissatisfaction as keeping a meaningless goal.

So how do you actually end up achieving a goal?

Here are a few tips and tricks that helped me publish a book, get a great job and learn designing and writing skills entirely on my own.

#1 Write your goals down

Studies claim that people who wrote down their goal were closer to achieving them than those who just made mental notes about them. It barely takes just a few seconds to note down what you want in life and that itself makes you 50% close to achieving it.

#2 Don’t aim too far into the future

The most common mistake most people make and so do I sometimes is, we think we’re gods, we can aspire to do anything we want in life. But it’s not that simple. While keeping in mind the bigger picture, we should ideally aim for realistic short term goals that can help us get closer to the big long term goal we’ve always wanted to achieve. Smaller steps can lead to great big leaps of progress towards the future you want.

#3 Keep your written goals visible to your sight

Don’t just scribble your goals down on a piece of paper and lose it. Keep that paper with you; stick it on a wall and look at goddamn every day. Read it again and again and constantly remind yourself that this is what needs to be completed on your agenda for brighter life.

#4 Talk about your goals with friends

One of the best things I’ve done to achieve my goals – to get myself published, is to tell my friends I’ve always wanted to get published. They constantly reminded me about something I’ve always wanted to do and that’s how I ended up doing it!

#5 Hardwork, hardwork and hardwork

Start living your goals right now. Make it part of your life the minute you write down about it. It’s not a piece of cake but a little bit of persistence and a lot of dedicated hardwork will cause miracles to happen. Keep going at it like a bull chasing a red target and you’ll be there in no time. Just have some patience about it.

Goals have helped the greatest men in the world achieve their biggest dreams. They have kept it real and given everything they have got to achieve. You are no different from the smartest, most intellectual minds in the universe. All you need is a simple reminder and some patience and you will reach greater heights than you had ever thought of achieving before.

So in conclusion all I’d like to say is, yes, having a goal is extremely important and not just any goal, a goal that helps define your purpose in life and keep going at it with every breath you’ve got and you’ll get there sooner or later.

Until the next blog!

 Let me know if anyone has any particular questions about life that they need an answer to and I’d be happy to help!

When Should You Sober Your Ego Down?

Every now and then I feel inadequate to be part of something as big as what I’m already part of at my workplace. Many times before, people have come to admire the work I do and how I do it. They have appreciated me every now and then. They have felt proud to make me part of their team and they always have open ears to listen to my comments. And while all of this really pleases my ego there are times I don’t reach the bar they have already set for me, simply because I don’t understand how to keep up being okay with not knowing how to do everything.

And it’s your ego, telling you to always be Mr Right, to constantly push your limits so that you never have to feel inadequate again till you’ve pushed so far you hurt your mental health to protect your ego.

Hurting your ego leads to two main things. You either get extremely hot headed and end up hurting others around you by bringing people down or you end up hurting your self esteem and self confidence and feeling extremely depressed about it. 

Both are equally harmful. While the first reaction is harder to recover from, the second reaction could help you save up on the damages by getting back on your feet and putting a band-aid on your ego, giving it enough time to heal.

In every stage of life if you do not tell yourself that you are not yet done learning, your going to end up hurting your ego and trust me I’ve experienced it first hand. And this is when you are supposed to sober your ego down before things get worse!

But how do you do it?

Here are some tricks I learn’t to really control my ego when thing’s don’t seem to be going great for me!

#1 Take a step back

Every time you feel threatened, you should take a step back and try to understand where is that feeling emerging from. Has a recent event triggered it or has to been happening since a long time? Then think about the kind of reaction you want to have about it. Most egotistic people just jump to conclusion and have confrontations but I felt, talking about why I feel a certain way with friends or sometimes even myself can help you reach a better solution.

#2 Listen to listen and not to reply

Often times to prove ourselves right we just talk and talk and talk without really listening to what the other person is saying. Even past confrontations could lead to people wanting to listen to you less because you do not respect them enough to listen to them in the first place. Listening also gives you time to frame your next answer in a better more reasonable manner but always try to understand what the other person is saying first.

#3 It’s okay to be wrong

If your wrong, just be wrong, don’t stress yourself out trying to always be right. If you’re always going to be right, you would have nothing left to learn in your life.

#4 Be good at what you do instead of worrying about how to be the best at everything

I realised the biggest problems I’ve had regarding my ego is trying to go out of my field of expertise and compete with people who have been in that same very field for years. Instead of becoming the best at what I do and learning everything I can about my work, I give time to learn something entirely new which affects my line of work as well as makes me look stupid trying to do something I naturally don’t like to. Which obviously leads to arguments and tension at the workplace. Just stick to things that interest you and be good at that!

#5 Be your biggest fan but also let people help you

Appreciate yourself enough so you don’t burn out but also don’t shut yourself out to other people’s help. Yes, I know sometimes you don’t need it but it’s okay if someone wants to help you, you could let them help you get up or get better at what you do once in a while!

So there it is, just some things I keep telling myself and trying to calm my ego down. Do it when you feel scared and threatened and feel like it’s the end of the world, you will feel much better practicing some of the tips given above!

Until the next blog!

 

 

 

When I lost my dream job, I thought I would never be happy again!

I knew I was going to get a job there, after all I had worked so damn hard but it turned out, all the hard work was never enough to be put all in once place. You’ve got to keep working at it till you know you can’t do anymore but it has to be strategically thought through.

Everybody has that one dream job, that place they either want to work for or have worked as an intern but never got the job. EVERYBODY and I mean it, everybody has been through phases like these and for me it was a travel magazine that I loved.

The minute I knew I loved to write that very second I had my dreams set to write about travel. To my surprise I even got an internship in a place I never believed I would get in at such a young age and of course despite giving it my all, I failed.

In the beginning the shock was so much that I cried, I cried for a week, straight. I had given up on everything in my life. I knew there would be nothing better waiting for me and I would never ever get the complete satisfaction of working somewhere else the way I felt when I worked at my dream company and I still feel the same way.

Nothing can replace the loss of your dream job especially when you have tasted its sweetness and have come out needing more but I was wrong about my road ending there. Turns out I was smarter than just proof reading work and writing two paragraphed articles. Turns out I was better at something I never imagined I was talented in.

That’s the weird thing about our minds. We tend to make our present everything. We predict our doomsday when it actually doesn’t really exist. When we want something so bad, that the only option you leave for yourself is to obsess over something repeatedly, instead of giving it time and space to blossom into something you don’t need anymore.

When we are down, deep – deep into the floor, we never think that the only way we’ve got left is to go up. We never consider the possibility that we live in a big world with bigger opportunities that might just make your life better!

I found my second dream company, with another thing that I was passionate about that made me realize that I had more potential doing two things that I was really good at rather than one. It made me a stronger person, where I constantly push myself to be better than the day before every single day.

In the end it’s not about only enjoying what you do, it’s about how much you are learning and mastering skills that add to your profile and that add to your personality as a person.

You cannot be hell bound on things out of your control nor can you punish yourself for not being good enough. You have to believe in yourself much more than others would and know that opportunities are everywhere or that in today’s world you can even create one on your own. You have to believe in things like destiny and faith because it’s shorter route to bring in some patience within you!

Every moment counts only if you make it count. So don’t think it’s the end of the world because tomorrow might just surprise you in ways that you might just recognize something’s in you didn’t even know existed.

Just keep believing that everything really does happen for a reason and it happens for good!

Until the next blog!

Why do we choose to date a stranger over a best friend when it comes to dating?

What is it with dating? Why do we do this to ourselves? We meet strangers who we find attractive because that is the only thing we can trust in ourselves to judge first and then we mingle with them, date them and end up getting into a really bad relationship or end up getting hurt. We allow ourselves to open up to strangers expecting them to understand who we are and what we want in life in just a few months or a years time while we reject our male friends or colleagues who know every tiny detail about our behaviors because we aren’t busy putting up an image in front of them to impress them and they are doing the exact same thing.

Is it that we don’t date our friends or colleagues because we think friendship is much more precious to ruin than giving it an actual chance and seeing where it goes? And then don’t we end up expecting the same thing that our friends have already given us, from strangers of a thing called acceptance?

Are we always going to be the misers and expect ourselves to take all the money we’ve saved to heaven or are we really going to learn to spend all the relationships that are not so intimate to actually be happy or finally date the right guy?

I recently met a friend who told me I was beautiful and that he would love to date me. We had been out as friends just once but we always took each other like great friends. No pretences, no lying, no manners, we were just ourselves because when it comes to making friends there is no burdon of pretending to impress someone unless you have a crush on your friend. We also work together so it puts me in a awkward position but it got me thinking. I could speak to him like there was no hiding, I would discuss so many things I feel and do and everything and he always has similar experiences he shares back.

When he asked me out later that night, it got me thinking. He’s a perfect guy for me, the right guy for me. He knows so much, he knows me well enough and most importantly he knows the kind of men I have dated and how wrong they have been for me. I was attracted to him but I ignored the thought and told him that I did not want to ruin what we had.

In the end do we become so damaged by the strangers we date that we know what is coming so we’d prefer to keep friends as only friends and strangers as lovers? Why let go of that special person who understands you over intimacy and a so called name giving process? In the end why do we never end up dating the people we know will take care of us and be there for us over the jerks that all have the same patterns of fucking around with our heads?

Are the good men all better off as being our caring supportive friends than lovers? Or is there more? Do we really expect a stranger will ever love us like the people we have been so close with over a long time?

Until the next blog!